Parents’ Important Role in Talking about Sex

The recent Mama Hooch trial, which resulted in convictions against two men on dozens of charges including rape, sexual violation, indecent assault and drink-spiking related to Christchurch’s Mama Hooch bar, reveals how sadly little has changed since the Roast Busters case horrified the nation 10 years ago.

The aftermath of the Roast Busters case led to the development of healthy relationships programmes aimed at young people – including a component the Y’s Resiliency Toolkit programme and the ACC Mates & Dates programme we until recently delivered in schools across Mid and South Canterbury and North Otago.

Our feedback from participants in those programmes underscores how important and valuable such education is. But it has also revealed a gap. Rangatahi tell us that their parents are “old school” who could really benefit from knowing the same things that their rangatahi are being taught – things like up-to-date terminology (STIs – sexually transmitted infections instead of STDs – sexually transmitted diseases), how today’s online porn is different from the magazine porn of yesteryear, what enthusiastic consent is and how to communicate it, and more.

We saw this feedback as an opportunity is to acknowledge and support the important role that parents, caregivers and whānau play in talking about sex and healthy relationships with their rangatahi. We know that parents feel strongly about their role in relationship and sex education, but we also know that parents often rely on the information they were taught or figured out for themselves…usually many years ago.

So we developed a new two-hour programme, “Let’s Talk about Sex…and Safe Relationships”, designed to keep parents in the loop with what sex and relationships can look like now and offer tools for discussing this with rangatahi. This includes a lot about online communication and sources, because if parents aren’t providing teens the relevant and current information they need, teens will turn to their peers or Google – which isn’t always accurate or age appropriate.

In a single two-hour workshop we cover:

• Consent & New Zealand Law
• Communication & Consent
• What is sexual activity, according to NZ Law
• Common Relationship Red Flags
• Unpacking the Harmful Digital Communications Act

“Let’s Talk about Sex…and Safe Relationships” is about teaching our rangatahi how to have a safe relationship in today’s modern world. The next programme starts 27 June in Timaru, and again on 3 August. A programme in Oamaru is yet to be scheduled, but everyone interested in it can contact the Y’s Team Leader – Positive Youth Development Natasha Dominey on 027  688 8160 or natasha@ymcasc.org.nz.

The Mama Hooch and Roast Busters cases revealed a deeply embedded underbelly of objectification and entitlement in attitudes toward sex and relationships that are being passed on to our young people. We all have a role to play in changing that, not least the parents, caregivers and others who support our rangatahi. We shouldn’t let another moment pass to begin making that change.